"The Invisible"

Some years ago, Mother Theresa commented on nursing homes, during one of her visits to the United States. She said:

“I can never forget the experience I had in visiting a home where they kept all these old parents of sons and daughters who had just put them into an institution and forgotten them - maybe. I saw that in that home these old people had everything - good food, comfortable place, television, everything, but everyone was looking toward the door. And I did not see a single one with a smile on the face. I turned to Sister and I asked: "Why do these people who have every comfort here, why are they all looking toward the door? Why are they not smiling?"

I am so used to seeing the smiles on our people, even the dying ones smile. And Sister said: "This is the way it is nearly every day. They are expecting, they are hoping that a son or daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt because they are forgotten." And see, this neglect to love brings spiritual poverty. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried. Are we there? Are we willing to give until it hurts in order to be with our families, or do we put our own interests first? These are the questions we must ask ourselves, especially as we begin this year of the family. We must remember that love begins at home and we must also remember that 'the future of humanity passes through the family.'

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home. Let us ask ourselves if we are aware that maybe our husband, our wife, our children, or our parents live isolated from others, do not feel loved enough, even though they may live with us. Do we realize this? Where are the old people today? They are in nursing homes (if there are any). Why? Because they are not wanted, because they are too much trouble, because.....Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”

For someone who lived in poverty up to her neck, amazingly, Mother Theresa with all of her experiences with the dying, and the very poorest of the poor subjugates the pain of hunger to the pain of being rejected. All of us at one time or another have felt that pain. In Desert Ministries we experience that rejection every day. For when you identify yourself, your organization with the rejected, you then are rejected.

Everyday we are confronted by the images of people oppressed on every continent of the globe, yet what do not see every day is that same cruelty inflicted on the frail seniors living in institutions across the United States.

We do not see their pictures in the news when they are hurt, unless of course it is so blatant that it cannot be ignored. We do not know their names, and we do not want to know. The outcry for our killed in action is justified, yet where is the outcry for the 6,000 or more frail elderly who will perish this year alone, at the hands of a careless or neglectful staff worker, not to mention the 6,000 that died last year, and the 6,000 that will die next year. The numbers are well underestimated, and staggering, yet where is the outcry.

The frail elderly are “invisible” to us, or so we convince ourselves that they are. For the moment, we may have deluded ourselves into thinking we have got away with this charade, but one day our thin rhetoric will be exposed. In that day the delusions will end.

Even more remarkable than that ending is the ending we will all experience here. At some point in the not to distant future, you too will become deemed invisible. You, too, will experience the pain of being judged incompetent, useless, a burden on society, a burden to your family, and relegated to a devalued life full of loneliness. Why is that remarkable, because we don’t believe that will happen to us. We believe that somehow we will escape, but the reality is far different, there is no escape.

Let those that have ears hear. The good news is that Desert Ministries’ volunteers hear. Their changed lives reflect the power of daring to minister to a widow. Unexpectedly, they have discovered truth not revealed in literature, but in experience, and in relationship. Most sublime, the widow, dips into her remaining resources to feed her naïve companion. The result is, refreshment, serenity, hope, love, the knowledge that today, I met Jesus face to face.

"Friendship in the Margins" Great Read!

Greetings all!

Friendship at the Margins is a must read. Chris Heuertz, executive director, Word Made Flesh, and co-author Chris Pohl, challenges us to move away from objectifing people, they are not our “cause,” they are our “friends.” I appreciate their boldness. My experience has been that far too often we go into a situation to “save” people. Once “saved” we then move on to the next ”target.” At DM, it may sound odd, but part of our training includes discussion about the ministry of presence.

People don’t need to be “saved,” they need a friend, someone who will not come in for a few minutes, but instead move in, live with, eat with, and walk with them. This is particularly true of the frail institutionalized elder for who dignity, value, and self-worth, are mow distant memories. For the most part they have lost control of their lives, and their bowels.

Imagine one day being a successful professional and the next day someone cleaning you up. No dignity today. Self-esteem, forgotton. Our walk is not easy but it is fulfilling. Heuretz and Pohl then remind us that it is Jesus who we meet in the process. The frail institutionalized elder leads us straight to him.

I can attest that as over the years, more than a few times I walked away from a nursing home at the end of a long day, thinking that I was pretty certain that the women who just spoke to me, was indeed him incarnate.
Thank Chris and Chris, (if I may), for great insight!

April is a pivotal month...

Everyday I wake up, God and I have a chat about DM and it's future. This year is not worse than last year, but it's not better. Last year it seemed like many times we weren't going to make it, but shear tenacity, mixed with a little insanity, and I'm still on the job. It's a tough walk, but at the same time, knowing whats going on inside many nursing homes keeps me coming back. There is just no way I'm going to walk away from this ministry without a fight.

One of my great encouragements is the addition of Andrew Dungan to our staff. His passion, his willingness to fight right alongside with me, gives me great hope about our future. Based on what we're seeing in our "crystal ball" the need for community involvment, and in particular the faith-community is critical to the quality of care our frail elderly receive.

And right with Andrew and I is Aby Zuniga, who has taken our newsletters to another level, not to mention helping us build our Hispanic volunteer contingency. On both counts, it is a great encouragement to me.

Programmatically, we are "rockin' and rollin." We are building bridges to many communities in Omaha, most recently to St. Peter Claver Cristo Rey High School. Today they brought 30 students to St. Joseph Tower, and St. Joseph Villa for orientation to longterm care, an opportunity to be with the residents. This is a hand-in-glove fit for both the student and the resident. We're looking for great things to come of this new relationship.

But, can we keep the lights on, the phone on, and the website up? Keeping this effort funded is no small chore. We're launching a grassroots fundraising effort which you can see here:

http://www.desertministries.org/howyoucanhelp/donationformwithplaybook.htm


One of my more often used quotes comes from Albert Einstein: "The key to success? Don't quit."

Our campaign: "You Gotta Stay in the Game," speaks right to this. We can't quit, even if times are hard. We have to press ahead. We are. The next 30 days will really tell the story about how and if DM will survive. We, that is Andrew, Aby and I are emailing, calling, and doing whatever we can to keep this work alive.

My hope, and prayer is that many people will step up to the plate. When, Jenni Vancleave, activities director at Good Samaritan Society-Millard heard we might have to close our doors, she emailed me and said, "Your volunteers and your work mean to much to us for you to close. We are going to have a bake sale!"

They raised $142 and some change. To me, this was a precious gift, really the "widows" mite.

There are a lot of great and good people in Omaha. I've had the privilege of meeting many of them. I'm hoping that in the next 30 days, they will roll up their sleeves and do what they can to make sure that we can keep our doors open, and most importantly, keep sending our volunteers to nursing homes.

For years, I've talked about the coming crisis in longterm care, well it's here raring its ugly head. In the midst of the storm are thousands of frail elderly who have little or no say in what happens to them. It's a tradegy. I can't do much about poor payscales, inadequate funding, or incompentency, but I can put out the call for good men and women to get involved.

I need to write a book! Maybe I will!

Will You Be My Valentine!

Today, thousands of people living in nursing homes and assisted living facilities will be receiving Valentines from Desert Ministries volunteers! A simple gesture that says: "Someone cares about you," goes along way in alleviating depression, loneliness, and feelings of uselessness.

A very big thankyou to KGBI, Hy-Vee and all of the great people and organizations that made and donated Valentines, numbering well over 5,000!

Yesterday, a great group of people spent the day sorting them and preparing them for delivery today. Everyone living in a nursing home or assisted living in the Omaha/Council Bluffs area will get a Valentine!

We'll be posting pictures and emails from the volunteers later today or tomorrow.

We C.A.R.E.

Each year, our board members and staff get together for a day-long retreat. In addition to some good fellowship and getting out of the city, we take a close look at our organization, evaluating our programs, and reviewing our mission, vision, and core values statements.

This year, we focused our energies on our evaluating our core values and I think we really honed in on those values that make Desert Ministries what it is: a conduit for service, and an advocate for senior quality care. After several hours of filling the walls with flip chart notes, and energized dialogue, we distilled our thoughts to these four core values:

Community – we are a diverse and intergenerational community, unified by our faith in God, committed to the protection of and service to our elderly.

Action – we are who we are, because of our elders; we must protect who they are.

Relationship – with joy and compassion, we establish relationship with our elderly, showing them respect, honor and acceptance, giving them the dignity they deserve by listening and caring.

Elderly – we value our elderly by honoring their history, wisdom, and joy. We gratefully accept their values and traditions as the foundation upon which we build our lives.

I cannot overstate the impact of working with older adults has had on my sense of well-being, my fulfillment, and hope. In each of these words, community, action, relationship, and elderly, I have story after story of how an older person has helped me to think and sometimes rethink each of these words.

Our community is not just one group or another, it’s not just this age group or that age group, it’s “us.” Community is all of “us,” regardless of age, and we need to take care of “us.” No one should be alone. One of my favorite portions of scripture: “God places the lonely in families;…” from Psalm 68:6 shows us the importance of communities supporting their elders. Even though biological families may be separated by distance, we can still be family for one another. No one should have to live their final years, alone.

It’s not enough just to “know” there is a need. It is incumbent on each of “us” as members of our communities to act and react to the needs of the older adults living in our neighborhoods, and in long-term care facilities, particularly those living in skilled nursing homes. They of all groups tend to be forgotten. We cannot simply say that the challenge is too large, or the solutions are too complex, or unattainable. We must take steps, even if they seem small. We must see that our frail elderly are well cared for. Actually, I don’t believe there is such a thing as a small step. Any step can have large ripple effects. Recruiting, and training people to visit people in nursing homes is one of the steps we are taking every day in Desert Ministries. While each volunteer, singularly, may feel inadequate, together they are positive force within the long-term care community and in their communities. Feedback from care staff and the nursing home residents tell us this, and feedback from persons in our community tell us that the ripple effects of our “small” steps are causing the ground to shake.

No one should be alone. We are built to be with “others.” Removing “us” from “others,” can lead to depression, suicide, neglect, abuse, and even physical problems like dementia. The absence or the withholding of relationship has dire effects. It is costly as well. I know anecdotally that some part of depression can be relieved through a caring visit from a volunteer. One resident when asked if the volunteer visit was something she looked forward to, she said, “It’s not family, but it’s not bad for someone off the street.” All to often, we turn to medications to address depression when, I believe, many times a simple “I was thinking about you today,” would go a long way towards their healing process. On another occasion a resident remarked after one of my visits: “They think we need this, [holding up a handful of pills] but what you just gave us[relationship] is what we really need.”

The elderly, who are they? What do they want? What do they need? Now approaching the age of 56, I am discovering that I am still for the most part, “me.” The outside of “me,” may have changed but the interior, “me,” well, it still seems to believe that it hasn’t changed all that much. That “me” is still a young man with hopes and dreams, but admittedly a few more life experiences. Nevertheless, I don’t feel “old.” I feel alive, and ready to participate in my community. I think most older people would also tell you that they feel this way. Our elders need to be offered opportunities, and invited, to stay in the game. In that process, of spending time with them, we learn from their life experiences. I’ve even had the experience of them becoming my cheerleader. “Hey, I made it! So can you!” They can be our confidant, our mentor, or a good friend.

Our core values: Community, Action, Relationship,& Elderly, (CARE). We do care, and I believe most people care. Let me invite you, if you are not already a part of our community, to consider doing something that will bring you great fulfillment and a sense of making a real difference by giving your treasure or your time to this outreach, and to the people we serve, our elderly. Visit our website to learn how you can show that you care too.

What is the ROI for senior care?

Ok, so we're spending billions and billions and billions of our dollars on long-term care for older adults, senior citizens, frail elderly, old people, widows, widowers, the forgotten, has-been's, grandmothers, grandfathers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, neighbors, & eventually "me." Why?

It is such a waste of money. We should do what the Spartans did. If you get sick, then the next stop is the landfill for you. It's a lot cheaper, and a lot less messy. All this touchy feelly stuff about wisdom and transferring values is for the birds. What we need is a nice, clean system for getting rid of frail people, a let the healthy people have more money in their pocket.

So where should we draw the line on who lives and who does not get to live. Nowhere. You don't like the color of your baby's eyes? Get rid of it. You're mother is costing you too much? Get rid of her. There's plenty of people around to take their place.

Two things: 1. It's sad to think how many people think this way. 2. It's sad to think you read this and went back to your televison.

Why Care for the Elderly?

In the next few months, our healthcare system will change. How it will change remains to be seen, but I am certain that the frail elderly of our society will take a back seat to everyone else. As far as I can tell from history, this is nothing new.

Yet, we wonder how so many of our nation's children get into serious trouble. Could it be that the very people, who, after a lifetime of experiences, and education are dismissed as having no value.

We need to care for the frail elderly in order that during the caring process they have the opportunity to transfer a lifetime of accumulated wisdom to us.

An African proverb comes to my mind: "When an older person dies, a library burns down."

How many libraries will be abandoned and even lost today?